Dr JC Coetzee Clinical Psychologist Ponsonby & Parnell Auckland Book Sessions

The Dichotomy of Control

"The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control. Where then do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own."  — Epictetus
Dr JC Coetzee Clinical Psychologist, Ponsonby, Auckland Couples Therapy

At the heart of Stoic practice lies a profound concept known as the dichotomy of control, a framework that distinguishes between what is within our control and what is not. 

Understanding the Dichotomy of Control

The dichotomy of control, as articulated by the Stoic philosopher Epictetus, divides the world into two categories: things we can control and things we cannot. Epictetus famously stated in his "Enchiridion" (Handbook):

"Some things are up to us, and some things are not up to us."

Dr JC Coetzee Clinical Psychologist, Ponsonby, Auckland Couples Therapy

What We Can Control

  • Our Thoughts and Beliefs: Our judgments, perceptions, and internal dialogue.

  • Our Actions and Reactions: Our behaviours, responses, and choices.

  • Our Attitudes and Desires: Our values, aspirations, and the goals we set for ourselves.

What We Cannot Control

  • External Events: The actions of others, the past, natural occurrences, and outcomes.

  • Other People's Opinions: How others perceive us, their beliefs, and their behaviours.

  • Life Circumstances: Health, wealth, and opportunities that come our way.

By recognising this distinction, Stoics advocate focusing our energy and attention on the aspects of life we can influence while accepting and making peace with those we cannot.

The Practical Application of the Dichotomy of Control

  1. Cultivating Inner Peace: By acknowledging that external events are beyond our control, we can free ourselves from unnecessary worry and anxiety. Instead of lamenting circumstances, we redirect our focus towards our internal responses and attitudes. This shift fosters a sense of inner peace and stability, regardless of external chaos.

  2. Empowering Personal Responsibility: Embracing the dichotomy of control empowers us to take full responsibility for our thoughts, actions, and attitudes. This proactive approach encourages self-improvement and personal growth, as we recognize that our well-being largely depends on our internal state rather than external conditions.

  3. Enhancing Resilience: Life inevitably presents us with challenges and setbacks. By understanding that we cannot control these events but can control our responses, we build resilience. This resilience enables us to navigate adversity with grace, learning and growing from each experience rather than being overwhelmed by it.

  4. Fostering Contentment: Accepting what we cannot control fosters contentment. Instead of constantly striving for things beyond our reach, we learn to appreciate and find joy in what we have. This contentment leads to a more fulfilling and balanced life.

Dr JC Coetzee Clinical Psychologist, Ponsonby, Auckland Couples Therapy

Stoic Practices to Embrace the Dichotomy of Control

  1. Daily Reflection: Set aside time each day to reflect on the events and experiences. Identify what was within your control and what was not. This practice helps internalize the dichotomy of control and guides your future responses.

  2. Mindfulness and Meditation: Engage in mindfulness practices to become more aware of your thoughts and reactions. Meditation can help cultivate a calm and centred mind, reinforcing your ability to focus on what you can control.

  3. Journaling: Keep a journal to document your thoughts, challenges, and progress. Writing down your experiences can provide clarity and perspective, aiding in the practice of distinguishing between controllable and uncontrollable aspects of life.

  4. Positive Visualisation: Visualise positive outcomes for situations within your control. This technique can help you prepare mentally and emotionally for various scenarios, enhancing your ability to respond effectively.

Stoicism Recommended Reading

Stoicism Reading List

Contact Dr JC Coezee

Send me an email to find out more about Stoic mentoring.