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It Is Not the Things That Upset Us, But Our Opinion of the Things That Upset Us

“It’s not things that upset us, but our judgments about things” — Epictetus
Dr JC Coetzee Clinical Psychologist, Ponsonby, Auckland Couples Therapy

"It is not the things that upset us, but our opinion of the things that upset us." This principle, attributed to the Stoic philosopher Epictetus, offers a powerful lens through which to view and navigate life's challenges. By understanding and internalising this wisdom, we can cultivate a more resilient, tranquil, and fulfilling existence.

The Essence of Perception in Stoicism

Stoicism teaches that our emotions and reactions are not directly caused by external events, but by our interpretations and judgments of those events. This perspective is rooted in the belief that we have the power to choose how we perceive and respond to any situation.

Dr JC Coetzee Clinical Psychologist, Ponsonby, Auckland Couples Therapy
Key Stoic Teachings on Perception
  1. Events Are Neutral: According to Stoic philosophy, events themselves are neither good nor bad. They are neutral occurrences. It is our interpretation that labels them as positive or negative.

  2. Power of Judgment: Our distress arises from the judgments we make about events. By altering our perceptions, we can transform our emotional responses.

  3. Control and Acceptance: While we cannot control external events, we can control our responses. Acceptance of this distinction is crucial for emotional resilience.

Dr JC Coetzee Clinical Psychologist, Ponsonby, Auckland Couples Therapy

Practical Applications of the Stoic Perspective on Perception

Reframing Challenges: When faced with difficulties, consciously reframe them as opportunities for growth and learning. This shift in perception can reduce feelings of frustration and helplessness.

Example: Instead of viewing a job loss as a catastrophe, see it as a chance to explore new opportunities and develop new skills.

Mindful Awareness: Practice mindfulness to become aware of your immediate reactions to events. Observe your thoughts and judgments without attachment, and question whether they are based on reality or assumptions.

Example: If someone cuts you off in traffic, instead of reacting with anger, pause and consider that they might be in a hurry for an important reason.

Cognitive Distancing: Create a mental distance between yourself and your judgments. Recognize that you are not your thoughts and that you have the power to change them. 

Example: When feeling anxious about a presentation, remind yourself that the anxiety is a result of your thoughts about potential outcomes, not the presentation itself.

Developing Rational Responses: Cultivate rational and constructive responses to events. Focus on what you can control—your actions and attitudes—and let go of what you cannot.

Example: If you receive criticism at work, instead of feeling personally attacked, analyze the feedback objectively and consider how you can use it to improve.

Dr JC Coetzee Clinical Psychologist, Ponsonby, Auckland Couples Therapy

Stoic Exercises to Cultivate Healthy Perception

  1. Negative Visualization: Regularly practice negative visualization by imagining potential challenges and setbacks. This prepares your mind to handle them calmly and reduces the shock if they occur.

  2. Daily Reflection: Reflect on your day each evening. Identify situations where your judgments led to negative emotions and consider how you could have perceived them differently.

  3. Gratitude Practice: Cultivate gratitude by acknowledging the positive aspects of your life and the things you often take for granted. This helps shift your focus from what is lacking to what is abundant.

  4. Stoic Journaling: Maintain a Stoic journal where you record your thoughts, judgments, and emotional responses. Analyze them to identify patterns and areas for improvement.

Stoicism Recommended Reading

Stoicism Reading List

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